Have you ever played that game where you write something on
a bev-nap and stick it to your forehead?
It’s a great game to play at a bar… until you realize that your forehead
is covered in beer-spit. It’s the
technological age people! Your bar
should have more than just alcohol and napkins to entertain its guests! If you need a push in the right
direction, check out these bar gadgets that make your bar more fun, while you
make more money.
#1. Bottoms-Up Beer Dispenser
If Johnny Five poured beer it
would probably look like this:
…wait for it…
Unfortunately this rendition of nerd-pimping only exists in
the future. For now we’ll just
make do with this impressive little gadget.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiu_IX14wLI
Pour beers at world record speed with no excess foam? Yes
please! How does it work? It could involve squirrels and dragon
tears for all I care, I want one now.
But if you really must know, it involves a tiny magnet in the specially
designed cups, which would probably mean that you have to buy them all the
time. GrinOn Industries was crafty
enough to say that these would be a hot collector’s item.
Look out Pokémon. Just make sure
you don’t find any rare candies at the bottom
with it. Of course there is a smaller home sized model available
if you’re training to outdrink Anthony Hopkins

#2. The Wall-Mounted
Breathalyzer
This baby plugs in like a gumball machine and lets your
merry customers pay money to see how drunk they are. Of course it also makes your bar appear safer and provides a
nice little reminder that it only takes a couple drinks to get over
If you can get over the hipster bullshit all over the side
of it, I guess it’s pretty cool. Just
strap a chalkboard on the front for the daily high scores, and call the whole
thing a tax write-off for your insurance.
If you think your bar can swing it, click the pic above with the guy
smiling like a donut. I really don’t
think there is a masculine way to use this thing.
#3. The Lobster Zone
Crane Machine
I remember bugging Mommy for quarters so I could get my toy
fix at the grocery store. Well now
I can spend a bunch of quarters… and get a mother-flippin’ lobster fricking
dinner, man!
We all know that the original crane machine was developed to
crush children’s dreams and drain their parents’ wallets, but now the bastard
went ahead found a way to torture sea-creatures at the same time. Fear makes lobsters taste better
because throwing them head-first into a pot of boiling water isn’t enough. You have to get into their heads until
they worship the crane. Then one
day there will be a lobster-rapture.
Oh yeah, click the pic for more info!

#4. The Table Tap
Eliminate the need for extra employees on the clock and
welcome a higher class with this little gizmo. Basically you get to charge more money and pay less to get
that money once it’s installed.

This baby lets your customers serve themselves as slaves to
their snobby beer addictions. The
only real downside is the fact that you have to buy and install buried pipes,
pistons, and dwarves just to get the thing up and running. Since I’m one of those beer nerds out
there who think this is awesome, please install this at every restaurant and
DMV office, so I can be all weird with my brew in the corner by myself. Click here
for their site.
#5. SEGA Urinal
Videogame!
It’s a classic taboo that guys just don’t ask other guys to
go to the bathroom with each other.
It’s a very solitary thing we have to do, staring at the wall in front
of us watching through our peripherals to see if the guy next to us is a
weirdo. But SEGA aims to change
everything with this exciting product!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQzo78zOPME
Now you can make people pay for their
beer on the way in AND the way out!
The entire game is based on the speed and duration of your
urination. They seem to be very
open to feedback and ideas for where the product can go. They even joke about putting a bride
and/or grooms face in the game for weddings. Why this was mentioned out of the many ways they could have
taken this, I don’t want to know.
I’m just excited about the versus-mode.
Unfortunately, it is still in
development for an undisclosed amount of time. Maybe SEGA will actually make a decent console again. Who knows? But if you like the concept they have going on here, there
is a budgeted solution…
I’m sure you’ll never have to worry
about someone stealing that ball anytime soon. And if you’re not a soccer fan, they do make hockey and
football versions. To check out their
site, click on The
Weee to give it a go.
#6. Andes Teletransporter
I saved the best for last. These babies have only been installed in select countries,
but I know they’re definitely going to catch on. Watch this video, and prepare to have your mind blown.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfkd81BZQTk
This entire product marketed around crazy nagging
girlfriends and poor relationships with little communication. This should do incredibly well in
America. Heck, I might even use
one if I just need to call out from work.
The possibilities are endless!
So if you want to pick up one of these bad-boys and provide a safe haven
for all the conniving bastards out there you might have to wait a bit. I wasn’t able to find any web-site for
direct purchase of the model, but you can be sure that finding a way to put
this in your bar will be a public service for dysfunctional relationships
everywhere.