Have you ever played that game where you write something on a bev-nap and stick it to your forehead? It’s a great game to play at a bar… until you realize that your forehead is covered in beer-spit. It’s the technological age people! Your bar should have more than just alcohol and napkins to entertain its guests! If you need a push in the right direction, check out these bar gadgets that make your bar more fun, while you make more money.
#1. Bottoms-Up Beer Dispenser
If Johnny Five poured beer it would probably look like this:
…wait for it…
Unfortunately this rendition of nerd-pimping only exists in the future. For now we’ll just make do with this impressive little gadget.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiu_IX14wLI
Pour beers at world record speed with no excess foam? Yes please! How does it work? It could involve squirrels and dragon tears for all I care, I want one now. But if you really must know, it involves a tiny magnet in the specially designed cups, which would probably mean that you have to buy them all the time. GrinOn Industries was crafty enough to say that these would be a hot collector’s item.
Look out Pokémon. Just make sure you don’t find any rare candies at the bottom with it. Of course there is a smaller home sized model available if you’re training to outdrink Anthony Hopkins
#2. The Wall-Mounted Breathalyzer
This baby plugs in like a gumball machine and lets your
merry customers pay money to see how drunk they are. Of course it also makes your bar appear safer and provides a
nice little reminder that it only takes a couple drinks to get over
If you can get over the hipster bullshit all over the side of it, I guess it’s pretty cool. Just strap a chalkboard on the front for the daily high scores, and call the whole thing a tax write-off for your insurance. If you think your bar can swing it, click the pic above with the guy smiling like a donut. I really don’t think there is a masculine way to use this thing.
#3. The Lobster Zone Crane Machine
I remember bugging Mommy for quarters so I could get my toy fix at the grocery store. Well now I can spend a bunch of quarters… and get a mother-flippin’ lobster fricking dinner, man!
We all know that the original crane machine was developed to crush children’s dreams and drain their parents’ wallets, but now the bastard went ahead found a way to torture sea-creatures at the same time. Fear makes lobsters taste better because throwing them head-first into a pot of boiling water isn’t enough. You have to get into their heads until they worship the crane. Then one day there will be a lobster-rapture. Oh yeah, click the pic for more info!
#4. The Table Tap
Eliminate the need for extra employees on the clock and welcome a higher class with this little gizmo. Basically you get to charge more money and pay less to get that money once it’s installed.
This baby lets your customers serve themselves as slaves to
their snobby beer addictions. The
only real downside is the fact that you have to buy and install buried pipes,
pistons, and dwarves just to get the thing up and running. Since I’m one of those beer nerds out
there who think this is awesome, please install this at every restaurant and
DMV office, so I can be all weird with my brew in the corner by myself. Click here
for their site.
#5. SEGA Urinal Videogame!
It’s a classic taboo that guys just don’t ask other guys to go to the bathroom with each other. It’s a very solitary thing we have to do, staring at the wall in front of us watching through our peripherals to see if the guy next to us is a weirdo. But SEGA aims to change everything with this exciting product!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQzo78zOPME
Now you can make people pay for their beer on the way in AND the way out! The entire game is based on the speed and duration of your urination. They seem to be very open to feedback and ideas for where the product can go. They even joke about putting a bride and/or grooms face in the game for weddings. Why this was mentioned out of the many ways they could have taken this, I don’t want to know. I’m just excited about the versus-mode.
Unfortunately, it is still in development for an undisclosed amount of time. Maybe SEGA will actually make a decent console again. Who knows? But if you like the concept they have going on here, there is a budgeted solution…
I’m sure you’ll never have to worry about someone stealing that ball anytime soon. And if you’re not a soccer fan, they do make hockey and football versions. To check out their site, click on The Weee to give it a go.
#6. Andes Teletransporter
I saved the best for last. These babies have only been installed in select countries, but I know they’re definitely going to catch on. Watch this video, and prepare to have your mind blown.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfkd81BZQTk
This entire product marketed around crazy nagging girlfriends and poor relationships with little communication. This should do incredibly well in America. Heck, I might even use one if I just need to call out from work. The possibilities are endless! So if you want to pick up one of these bad-boys and provide a safe haven for all the conniving bastards out there you might have to wait a bit. I wasn’t able to find any web-site for direct purchase of the model, but you can be sure that finding a way to put this in your bar will be a public service for dysfunctional relationships everywhere.
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